I come to you today in hopes that you will listen to a very serious problem currently plaguing all of our lives. No, I'm not talking about the flooding in Australia, the war in the Middle East, or even the fact that Frea O'Scanlin is currently on her last glass of Dr. Pepper.
No, this problem is much more serious than that.
This is a problem about....Bryce Larkin.
No, wait, listen! It's inhumane, I tell you! INHUMANE. For months, poor Bryce has been stuck in a dark, molding FULCRUM cell that I can't even describe to you, so I'll have to let the master do so:
The first thing she noticed was the smell. It hit her like a slap to the face. The air was fetid and laced with countless onerous odors: blood, sweat, urine, and mold. All of them swirled together to turn the air inside Larkin's cell into an almost living organism. It seeped into her clothes, her nose, and stuck to her tongue like some kind of glue, refusing to be dislodged. It was disgusting and unfortunately, also not the worst smelling interrogation room she'd ever been in.
The second thing she noticed was Larkin's body in the corner of the cell. He was mostly naked, clothed only in the tattered pair of jeans he'd been in on the day he was captured. With practiced detachment, she surveyed the damage: there were numerous lacerations along his side and back, purpling on his chest and stomach (signs of obvious broken ribs), his feet were a bloodied mess, and from what she could see of his face, she doubted he'd continue to be quite so pretty in the future.
SEE?
This cannot be tolerated, dear readers. mxpw has taken the one tolerable thing about Bryce Larkin--his looks--and has beaten the ever-loving daylights out of it! And every day that passes without help is a day we come closer to sacrificing this:
Think about the travesty! Think of the shame!
So, you ask, what can I do to help? Good question! I've compiled an easy and easy-to-follow guide that, if it works, will hopefully allow us to save Bryce Larkin and his pretty, pretty face from a fate worse than Fates.
Step #1
Go and reread Chuck versus the Double Agent. It probably won't help the updates come faster, but time will fly as you reread this fantastic tale. Remember: every time you don't leave a review, the review fairy judges you.
Step #2
Write to your local mxpw and let him know that this charade cannot continue.
Step #3
Download some of our campaign buttons and display them proudly on your site! Here are just a few examples!
Step #4
Spread the word! The more people know about this problem facing Bryce the Pretty, the faster the campaign may work!
Please check back to the blog as we attempt to bring you real-time updates about the fate of our (least) favorite Double Agent character!
Sincerely,
Frea O'Scanlin
President and Founder of Free Bryce Larkin
